Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Today, I Learned Something…

Today, I realized I lose something, but yet I learned something. Yes, I realized, I learned something much more important than what I lose. This is from my Molecular Genetics CA3. Before the CA, many people were psycho-ing us about the difficulty of the CA. In the end, when the 30 minutes started, the slides showed the question, I felt my heart pumping hard and adrenaline is holding me back from reading the question with a whole heart. This is the first step, where I lose my confidence – ending up finishing the reading quite late. Next, when I try to figure out the answer, I am very nervous to get to the whole point. Besides, I lose my patience and rationale while making decision whether to pass up today or tomorrow.  As a result, I lose my marks as well.

From the event, I reviewed clearly how far I am still, from being a great scientist. As I realized the answer, it was still a few minutes left and I scribbled down everything with bad handwriting and my hands shook. I lost my rationale and become panic when I decided to pass up today because of the pressure from those two test coming after that. Here, I still can’t control my emotion, I am still not calm enough – to be a scientist. This is what I learned. From now on, I have to learn how to control my emotion, nothing is worth to fluctuate my emotion, even in a situation like this. I should be calm, all the way. And I had also learned the importance of making decision. Yes, that’s it. Never make a decision without thinking even when you are really panic.

This is an advice from the lecturer and I think he is right. Sounds cruel and sad, but I think he’s totally right and I agree with that.

You should by now learn to live with your decisions once made and get on with life.

Thank him for that particular sentence because I will live with that decision. My decision today changed so many things. It ripped away my marks and might even downgraded my CAP… etc. Everything is so sad and I admit I AM VERY SAD about it. Dad is still with his philosophy of why my generation of kids are not so mentally strong and how I am going to be a scientist if I cry after such a tiny problem. Mom is with her usual thought of learn from mistakes and don’t think so much and concentrate on study. Funny thing that I told all what happened to my parents when I existed on this planet for more than 20 years, but that’s me. I just loved the way Dad says he will support me (Thanks, Papa!).

Anyway, I am going too deep into emotion part again. *Tink* Back to topic, now. Yes, today I learned many important things, first hand. It may seemed small, but I am sure this will mould a better personality in me in order for me to walk the road of scientist…

*Just got exam blessing brownies* Thanks to them and I wish everyone is doing well over the exam.


Gavin Cheah said...

hey..i can connect with what u r feeling..was especially touched when ur dad says he will always support there u have it, u have the support of so many hard, stay focused and in a blink of an eye, holidays will be here n we r all gonna have fun!!!

No more Hogwarts! Imagine that..btw, I do go through emotional downs like this everytime exam is near..gosh..hate exams!!! But, I guess, everybody HAS TO go through exams..take it as a part of growing up and becoming better???

Anyway, take care!

Mafer said...

Gavin! I know this sounds a bit exaggerated but what I wanna say is... ahh, your post sounds so sweet! Thanks for the comment, yea... it really is one kind of support from friend! Thanks thanks!

Anyway, you also feel down when exam is near? Then you also must jia you! :P

Zhuangli said...

Hey mafer~ hope you enjoyed the brownie... *baked with heart*

Yup, it is no more turning point after that and just go with the flow. You still have the chance as the future is still in your hands and you still have control over that. Do what you think is best and when it is over, just accept it as it is.

It is good to understand that the world is not as always perfect as most of us might thought. It has its ups and downs. And support from family and friends is always important so that you can sustain and move on.

By the way, after a few months that you told me that you are anti-social, I personally don't think that you are one. It might just be your self-justification, but as a second person, I think that you are unique in your way and is a very cool person as a friend. It takes time to understand different kinds of personality especially in this new environment. But don't let this be the stumbling rock in your friendships, ok?

Jia you for your finals!
Don't worry about that CA, we all screwed up that test, whether it is minimal or maximal.

Thinking that we are flying back very soon makes me happier, don't you think so? =D

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