Today, I realized I lose something, but yet I learned something. Yes, I realized, I learned something much more important than what I lose. This is from my Molecular Genetics CA3. Before the CA, many people were psycho-ing us about the difficulty of the CA. In the end, when the 30 minutes started, the slides showed the question, I felt my heart pumping hard and adrenaline is holding me back from reading the question with a whole heart. This is the first step, where I lose my confidence – ending up finishing the reading quite late. Next, when I try to figure out the answer, I am very nervous to get to the whole point. Besides, I lose my patience and rationale while making decision whether to pass up today or tomorrow. As a result, I lose my marks as well.
From the event, I reviewed clearly how far I am still, from being a great scientist. As I realized the answer, it was still a few minutes left and I scribbled down everything with bad handwriting and my hands shook. I lost my rationale and become panic when I decided to pass up today because of the pressure from those two test coming after that. Here, I still can’t control my emotion, I am still not calm enough – to be a scientist. This is what I learned. From now on, I have to learn how to control my emotion, nothing is worth to fluctuate my emotion, even in a situation like this. I should be calm, all the way. And I had also learned the importance of making decision. Yes, that’s it. Never make a decision without thinking even when you are really panic.
This is an advice from the lecturer and I think he is right. Sounds cruel and sad, but I think he’s totally right and I agree with that.
You should by now learn to live with your decisions once made and get on with life.
Thank him for that particular sentence because I will live with that decision. My decision today changed so many things. It ripped away my marks and might even downgraded my CAP… etc. Everything is so sad and I admit I AM VERY SAD about it. Dad is still with his philosophy of why my generation of kids are not so mentally strong and how I am going to be a scientist if I cry after such a tiny problem. Mom is with her usual thought of learn from mistakes and don’t think so much and concentrate on study. Funny thing that I told all what happened to my parents when I existed on this planet for more than 20 years, but that’s me. I just loved the way Dad says he will support me (Thanks, Papa!).
Anyway, I am going too deep into emotion part again. *Tink* Back to topic, now. Yes, today I learned many important things, first hand. It may seemed small, but I am sure this will mould a better personality in me in order for me to walk the road of scientist…
*Just got exam blessing brownies* Thanks to them and I wish everyone is doing well over the exam.