Yesterday, I experienced something that taught me something about my life. It might be a simple occasion for some people, for me, it is a big thing to tell myself.
Remember I am currently helping, or rather they are helping me, inside a lab, gaining learning experiences and knowledge about research? The supervisor is a french. Some might thought I asked for the opportunity because she’s a french. Frankly speaking, I have no idea she’s a french until I arrived at the doorstep of her office. Her name did reminds me of french but I didn’t think so much as there are really a lot of people with different names as well. So, I added one task to my list – in the period of learning in the lab, I would like to ask her whether I can speak french with her. This is like a culture exchange to me – instead of going student exchange. Besides, with my french modules for LPP over, classmates at vacation and haven’t a chance to step into my french teachers’ office, I am starting to miss french so much. It’s like french has already become a part of my life!
So, the main point came in here. The thought of asking a science professor to speak in french is really too bizarre. Science, for me, it’s always english, although it comes from latin and several other language – such as french. I can’t imagine myself speaking in french with a real french professor who is in science field – that’s really out of my mind!
But one month is gone and there’s not much time left or I will lose my one chance to speak truly, applying what I had learned. I had a chat with her yesterday about my next week and after that I ended up the conversation without asking her about the french thing. When I exit her office, my heart was like ‘what am I doing?’.
Yes, my mentor keeps saying I am lacking my own confidence and courage. And from here, I have to admit – I am a coward. I am lack of courage – even to ask a question. It seems crazy but it’s just the same case as chasing my dreams. Since young, from the moment I decided to become a scientist – people start saying me crazy, illogical, think too much and etc. With my ‘special’ surname, I am really becoming from crazy to crazy – but I was holding on for the past 12 years. What had been keeping me holding on, I don’t know. I think it’s time for me to grow up – I must be brave enough, to express my crazy ideas, my crazy acts – no matter how weird am I would be to others. My mentor says, I must be proud to be that crazy! And yes, I decided to do it. Hence the whole thing went like this:
Before I am leaving the lab, I knocked on her door. I still have a bit of nervous and anxious, but at least I said it , “ Erm, professor, I'll be going back soon - and erm, I would like to ask you something - err, not about the lab.”
“Go ahead.” She said.
“Erm, I was taking French in NUS and err... I am thinking - wondering, if it is possible for me to speak in French - err" I said and at the same time pointing her than me.
I don’t have the courage to speak the purpose out, at that moment.
In the end, she helped me in continuing my sentence instead, “With me?”
I nod, “Yes.”
She replied, “Sure, whenever you want!”
I smiled, and thanked her by saying , “Merci...”
Then I am going to return to my work place to pack my things.
She said suddenly, “À lundi?”
I looked back and smiled while saying, “ Oui!”
It’s just what happened. Yes, on my way out of the lab, my heart was lightened so much – with my will expressed and I am so happy that I finally did something crazy yet a challenge for myself. This is the courage I need to remember – a big step that might change my whole life!